Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
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