Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Mom said you looked used
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
Randomize
