Im at strip club and am horny
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
