im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
