I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
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