Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
