Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Randomize
