After last night, I could never be a politician.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
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I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
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My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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