Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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