i barfeds in our rink
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
