Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize
