update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
