i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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