Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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