just come out here and I will go home with you...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i love accidental penises.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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