have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
