someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
