Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
