I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
