i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
