There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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