Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
