i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
