We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
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Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
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I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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