There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
be right there i have to get my cape
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
