i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Come on in and take your pants off
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