I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Dating After Heartbreak
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been