Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations