I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
This girl is more easily done than said...
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
No more Irish car bombs ever.
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Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
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I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.