Texts From Last Night

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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.

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  (505): you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage. http://tfl.nu/iczm
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess

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  (847): Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess http://tfl.nu/s4vr
  Replies (7) Good night (795) Bad night (3702) Order T-Shirt
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping

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  (540): just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping http://tfl.nu/3wqg
  Replies (18) Good night (4751) Bad night (816) Order T-Shirt
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.

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  (203): They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court. http://tfl.nu/8rt0
  Replies (10) Good night (6162) Bad night (757) Order T-Shirt
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  (516): View more from New York

  until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life

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  (516): until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life http://tfl.nu/jc1p
  Replies (13) Good night (3540) Bad night (1000) Order T-Shirt
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  (420): View more from

  So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth

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  (420): So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth http://tfl.nu/5fuc
  Replies (18) Good night (866) Bad night (6358) Order T-Shirt
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  (256): View more from Alabama

  You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.

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  (256): You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers. http://tfl.nu/otyu
  Replies (10) Good night (6869) Bad night (1024) Order T-Shirt
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.

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  (314): I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY. http://tfl.nu/obak
  Replies (7) Good night (4257) Bad night (708) Order T-Shirt
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar

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  (401): So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar http://tfl.nu/20ke
  Replies (6) Good night (2316) Bad night (760) Order T-Shirt
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  (705): View more from Ontario

  Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.

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  (705): Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding. http://tfl.nu/zvb5
  Replies (1) Good night (1495) Bad night (835) Order T-Shirt
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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at

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  (506): At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at http://tfl.nu/k9hn
  Replies (5) Good night (1741) Bad night (474) Order T-Shirt
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.

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  (910): A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart. http://tfl.nu/fy2b
  Replies (9) Good night (833) Bad night (337) Order T-Shirt
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  (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face

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  (403): i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face http://tfl.nu/onze
  Replies (11) Good night (869) Bad night (432) Order T-Shirt
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  (706): View more from Georgia

  I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...

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  (706): I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up... http://tfl.nu/4p4z
  Replies (7) Good night (1301) Bad night (298) Order T-Shirt
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  (425): View more from Washington

  The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...

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  (425): The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious... http://tfl.nu/0tkk
  Replies (2) Good night (585) Bad night (169) Order T-Shirt

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