Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
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I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
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Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum