woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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