A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
