There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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