I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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