If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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