from now on my penis is your penis
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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