i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
