I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
