I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
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