I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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