I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
