I'm sorry my penis didn't work
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
