I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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