You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
