he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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