I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Where is the hickey?
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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