just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
