Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
