i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
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