It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
