i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
high people should be assigned attendants
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
