when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
