Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
