i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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