i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
