I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
