Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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