i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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