just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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