she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
