my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
