11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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