You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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