I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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