i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
