im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Use "feeling words"
Yay
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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