So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
